I resisted...just like Edward.

While looking through that store this evening, I looked down the aisle casually only to catch your eyes, giving me that sex stare and in no way returning my own look of surprise. My heart went giddy and other parts of me clenched in excitement.

You hit me like a wrecking ball. In that instant, I was nothing close to the woman I'd once been; no trace of the shreds of maturity I'd managed to cloak myself in remained.

I was a weak total fangirl. You were my panty interruption. There was nothing else in the whole world but that truth.

It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that store full of probable nonfans. When I walked past you, I could have ruined everything my family has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my crush in public for the last, well, too many months, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from licking you.

To me, it was like you were some kind of life-sized version of yourself, summoned straight from my own personal Robp0rn catalog to ruin me in public. The stare coming off your eyes...I thought it would make me deranged today, this first day I had ever seen you like this. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the store with me (to justify buying you), to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow..." (Visa, please)

But I resisted. I don't know how. I forced myself not to pick you up, not to drag you to the register.

It was easier outside, when I couldn't stare at you anymore, to think clearly, to make the right decision.

I'm used to walking into any store and finding Twilight, New Moon, or Eclipse merchandise. I was in fye, duh, I expected it. What I'm having a harder time with is walking into a store, glancing over my shoulder, and suddenly realizing this is staring right at me.

::THUD:: to the ::THUD:: And this picture in no way does this poster justice up close and molestable. Stores selling these posters need to have a private section in the back with a curtain in front or something so I at least have a little bit of a heads up before seeing the likes of this and being affected by it the way I was today.

Rob, I was not looking for you today. You found me.

I'm going to wrestle all night while I sleep with the chasm between what I know is right, moral, ethical, and what I want.

I'm still trying to figure out if I can live without you, but I know if I continue to ignore you as I should, I might have shopper's regret.

I have 2 posters now (My door size Eclipseward and How to Be, the latter of which I have yet to hang up.)

And while I was at the store, there were so many Twiilght-related things I wanted to buy. Since my laptop is just black and smudging I thought about getting myself the New Moon or Eclipse Edward cover for it, and then after seeing the poster above, I literally had this internal monologue of how I should wait for Breaking Dawn Edward because his picture is probably going to be the hottest one yet.

Do you have any Twilight-related or Rpattz posters hanging up in your home?  

Does walking away from a poster in a store almost feel like walking away from the precious himself? Like leaving the cutest little puppy that you could have had in the pound?

Did you have to struggle with the decision to buy them? Aren't posters for college dorms and teenager's bedrooms?

 "Teenage Dream" is on the radio. I think that's my latest 'think of Rob' song.

-kiTT

***Passages quoted from Twiight and Midnight Sun...in case you couldn't tell, I've been rereading the meadow scene and a bit of EPOV, for research purposes, naturally.