I think not.
I'm going to be in and out of addressing Mr. Pattinson in this post. Yes, I will be saying Mr. Pattinson, because I'm trying to encourage some formality. Also, take a moment to grab a cup of coffee before continuing.
Back? Here goes...
Ever since the People's Choice Awards I've wanted to chat with you, Mr. Pattinson, about something, but I essentially kept my tongue twied about the subject and instead decided I wanted to give you the chance to redeem yourself at the Oscars. Well that awards show came and went....without you, I might add. Missed Opportunity is all I can say with heavy disappointment.
I'm going to be in and out of addressing Mr. Pattinson in this post. Yes, I will be saying Mr. Pattinson, because I'm trying to encourage some formality. Also, take a moment to grab a cup of coffee before continuing.
Back? Here goes...
Ever since the People's Choice Awards I've wanted to chat with you, Mr. Pattinson, about something, but I essentially kept my tongue twied about the subject and instead decided I wanted to give you the chance to redeem yourself at the Oscars. Well that awards show came and went....without you, I might add. Missed Opportunity is all I can say with heavy disappointment.
Sneakers? Jeans? Untucked button down shirt? Some kind of couture - 80s inspired jacket?
Mr. Pattinson, feel free to wear whatever you want to the MTV or the Kids Choice Awards but it's a good rule of thumb to bring class when amongst class. (You didn't see me wearing some hot pink vinyl mini skirt to meet PFach did you? No! I looked respectable yet comfortable, just like Peter did.) Let's just say this outfit would have been suitable if you were only hanging with the cast of Jersey Shore....in the winter.
We all know Rob can do better, and I had hoped he would because he said he wants to win an Oscar by the time he is 30 years old. That is a serious honor, ummmm...just ask Anna Paquin!
But Mr. Pattinson, listen up please, if you are going to be serious about winning the Oscar, then you are going to have to be serious about showing up dressed like you deserve such an honor and be willing to accept it in a classy fashion.
Anyway, I said nothing ( on my blog anyways ) after the PCAs, and then you, Mr. Pattinson, showed up at the Golden Globes like this:
*claps from sidelines* Oh well played, Mr. Pattinson.
See the difference?
It wasn't: Oh, that Twilight guy is here looking like he can't wait to throw back some shots with the Situation.
It was 'Robert Pattinson is here tonight to present an award.'
Still, Mr. Pattinson, the Golden Globes is almost like a frat party (that you don't bring a date to) in comparison to the Oscars, so I'm going to need you to step it up a notch next year. On the night when you get up on stage and thank the Academy and then turn to the audience and tell them how you'd like to thank your fictional girlfriend and the future fictional Missus Pattinson, kiTT, for all of her love and support while you filmed 'Water for Elephants' I want my man please to be looking classy, sophisticated, and super sexy!
It's not that you weren't super sexy at the Golden Globes but I felt something was missing (besides me on your arm) or maybe missing isn't the right word...maybe just hidden.
Cuffs...
yep, that's what was hidden.
So I stalked approached Jules from CreationsbyJules because everything she makes and posts on her blog I fall in love with, and I told her how taken I was with one of her WFE wallpapers recently that she made out of the picture of Robowsky in a tux leaning against Rosie and how I hoped so much that Rob would be showing up at the Oscars well dressed with pretty cuffs like in the picture and asked her if she could collaborate with me on some visuals for you guys!
She was SO EXCITED at the idea of this that she agreed to help me put together some pictures.
paraphrasing Jules here: "Ooh! Me, me, me, me me!!! I definitely want to help provide some Rob cuff visuals!!!"
Awesome for all of us, right? I was really looking forward to her work! And it wasn't long before she sent me this....
Oh my!!! Does he bring those with him to all his movie premieres or just the ones in NYC?
Too late Mr. Pattinson. We are all thinking, imagining, drooling, Fifty-lovin' doing EXACTLY that!
Unfortunately, though, that kind of cuffs is not really gonna do it with bringin' the class to the Oscars. So I had to go back to Jules and explain that when I said cuffs, as much as I really didn't mind the thought of Rob bringing those pink fuzzy ones to a private party, I was actually refferring to those attached to his sleeves that stick out from the jacket sleeve.
There's the boys all hanging out! That's some shmexy Cuffage!
While these are the relaxed cuff look, for the Oscars I'm particularly looking to see some French cuffs, tuxedo cuffs, and/or cuff links.
Jules responded, "Sorry, normally I'm lounging around in the gutter when it comes to Rob."
***No worries Jules, I find the lounge chairs there are quite comfy, actually.***
So I asked if she wished to try again, and she said she would. She now sent me this with some mention of wanting to try this new magnifying technique.
"Oops, that was an accident. I'm still learning my way around Rob with this thing." -twjs
*giggles*
Innocent mistake Jules.
Calm down, Mr. Pattinson, it's not like it's the green pants.
There was no point in encouraging her to focus...we all get distracted by the nipplep0rn and Robp33n. And just when I thought I would have to abandon this whole post idea, Jules showed up with the most fantastic pictures starting with this one.
Yes that's it Jules! Check out those cuffs!!!
I don't know what it is about cuffage, and especially fancy cuffs, but they completely amp up the sex appeal of a guy in a button down shirt, suit, or tuxedo. Don't you think? Oh wait a minute, okay maybe I do know. I think it has something to do with the lasting impression of a guy yanking off his tie and cufflinks and discarding them by throwing them across the room before a really hot sex romp. (cough like Dex on Dynasty cough) Let me just insert Rob into that little scene all full of determination and fury....Mmmmm... Whew!!! *fans self vigorously*
Is that written into a fanfic story somewhere? I'm not sure, but cuffs definitely have been part of the ficward schmexy times. If you read 'The Plan' by QuantumFizzx you might remember this:
I finish pulling his sleeves down his arms and discover they won't come off as they're bunched up at his wrists where I've failed to unbutton the damned cuffs. Ah, screw it. Or, him.
I give a shove and he falls back onto the mattress, shirt under his ass, hands trapped at his sides. [...]
He pulls me up the bed and I'm spent and it seems perfectly okay when he's wrapped around me. I'm tucked into him, and his arm is my pillow and the shirt still hanging from his wrist is our blanket.
-excerpt from 'The Plan" by QuantumFizzx Chapter 60 Day 378 10:35 pm
So QuantumFizzx doesn't exactly go into detail about what kind of cuffs or if undone cuff links were part of the problem here, but you get the jist...and it's hawt! Whether they are button cuffs (aka barrel cuffs), convertible cuffs, or link cuffs they look good on the men. And one of my favorite link cuffs are 'French cuffs.' <------French...like kissing? Yep like kissing the material comes together with pinched ends.
Did I just 'link' Rob and 'kissing?' Huh... I guess I did!!!
Now that we've got Mr. Pattinson and Jules serious about what we're giving some attention to here,
let's take
a closer look shall we...
My...
What...
Big hands...
You Have Mr. Pattinson
framed by those cuffs!!!
Something extra hawt about Cedric here you could never put your finger on?
It was probably the cuffs.
Makes him seem older than barely legal status.
So I think now I have successfully gotten Jules totally onboard with how the cuffs completely enhance you and accent those desired fingers of yours Mr. Pattinson because she sent me this...
Ya know, under more normal circumstances I would have suggested to you, Mr. Pattinson, that you look into that thing you do...(*whispers * you know how you like to 'borrow' clothes from the set) ... and actually wear that exact tuxedo from WFE to the Oscars but since you were cozied up to an elephant that likes your underwear, I think that might be a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad idea this time. It just isn't going to pass the sniff test no matter how hawt you looked into it. But I have no doubt Gucci or Pierre Cardin or one of the other fabulous designers can get you to wear you need to be tux and cuffwise.
Still doubting my theory of how cuffs seem to enrich the whole package are you?
Think: Andrew Garfield in your head.
You know what he looks like. He's cute-ish, but boyishly so, right? Looks a little ummm...naive?
But look at what Jules accented for us:
(thanks Mrs. P for the picture)
Whoa!!!! I saw him wearing this and suddenly I have no reservation about Andrew Garfield playing superhero Spidey! It's hard to tell, but he was wearing cufflinks, too, and he just looks very mature. There's just something I'm more in awe of about him in this picture. I'm sure there would be something extra special to the way I would look too if Rob had his arms wrapped around me, I think as I'm sitting in my gutter lounge chair.
Okay back to the nonpervin' section of this post...
How cool would it be if in Breaking Dawn Edward wore Cullen Crest cuff links with his wedding tuxedo instead of the wrist cuff? How about if all the Cullen Men wore them? (let's take a moment here: Jackson in a tuxedo :DED:) FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOW TO MAKE A HONEYMOON VAMPIRE HYBRID BABY, PLEASE tell me someone on the BD set has already had this idea!!!! I'ts just one little detail but bonus after the movies, they could sell them for charity!!!
If someone can make earrings featuring the Cullen crest, then someone can make cufflinks!
Mr. ATP knows how to work the cuffs! He's got some cool cufflinks too, but I wonder if I could get him to wear Cullen crest cufflinks, or these...
Yep, these are cufflinks for sale at Sears. Softer side to Sears? Don't they know vampires are stone hard?
Okay, so back to Mr. Pattinson. I've said my peace here finally.. I have really, really high expectations for how I want you to be dresssed when accepting your first Oscar. I just imagine you looking so sharp in your tux and I start thinking black tie affair. *grips hold firmly to her gutter lounge chair*
Let's recap for you with the help of my lil Edward.
Showing up looking like this is not gonna fly...
NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!
I REPEAT
NOT ACCEPTABLE!!
Making an appearance dressed more like this....
And that's how you accept an Academy Award, Mr. Pattinson!!!!
Next time, we'll talk about what you will actually SAY when accepting that Oscar because, no offense, but I know you need some prep work in that department too, Mr. Pattinson. But in the meantime, pay attention to the cuffs because by now it's obvious, we surely will be paying attention to them (amongst other things) too!!
~*Huge super thanks to Jules for all her convo, laughs, pervin', photo skills and general enthusiasm she contributed to this collab post!! She made this one last special gift for all of us to feast on. Love it!*~
That is the EXACT shade of lipstick I use when my nails are painted hooka red (Re: think Details magazine)!!! Maybe we can get Jules to post this on her blog as a desktop option for us?
Okay I gotta do it...just one last plea for some sexified cuffage from you come Oscar night in 2012,
Mr. Pattinson?
Check out this picture on my tumblr, but it's probably NSFW!!!
Remember when Bella asked Jasper about what goes on at vampire bachelor parties? I think this is Bella fantasizing about what she would like to go on being centerstage with Edward, Emmett, AND Jasper at the bachelor party. Good thing Edward can't read her thoughts....or... should I say too bad he can't read her thoughts. You know how he'd do anything for her. *wink, wink*
Tell me what you think about Mr. Pattinson, the Oscars, and cuffs!~kiTT
Admit it, when I say cuffs and Rob you're still thinking this, aren't you?
(Thanks Kassie!)
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