So after some practice with my 108-year-old vampire in Twilight (I believe there was a period of everyday for at least 30 days straight after our initial meeting in the bedroom) we had definitely found our rhythm.
It went something like this:
Press Play (DVD usually in player already) The Summit music comes on.
"Let's Start Shredding. HOLLA!"
Then Press skip button on remote 4 times to get through previews and to Twilight menu screen.
Press Play.
Press skip button 4 times to the 2nd bio scene. Eric-Ipod, Mike-Arizona---"Hello. I'm sorry I didn't ...."
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Edward Don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry!
And I know how to find my way to every Edward scene. Wanna catch apples and talk theories? We just jump to #7. Yep! We were in perfect sync, Twilight Edward and me.
Exceptions: If Mr. AnTwi-Pattz has agreed to watch with me , then we sit through the Bandslam preview up until the boys are rapping in front of class and the teacher is all into it because we both think that is fun-nee.
Then Twilight starts from the very beginning.
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On Saturday I popped in New Moon just as if it was Twilight and was about to start the process of skipping through the previews when Rob came on. Hello! Done & Died! It's the Remember Me trailer! Rob's voice, the punches, his smiles, his smoking, his kissing, the wallbanging, and the drive to the music that is played...well there's attention, tension, buildup, and anticipation. Sighhhhh, New Moon foreplay.
As New Moon starts I'm fumbling with my remote trying to figure out what to do with the buttons--forward just a little through the moon, put on the subtitles, skip ahead to the parking lot scene...oh wait the dream with Edward and Gran, okay I forgot about that so I'll go back and watch it. Rewind. Pause on Edward. Watch parking lot scene. Subtitle says [EDWARD MMMMM] then [EDWARD MOANS SOFTLY] He did? Let me rewind to hear that again. Shoot I hit the wrong button and now I'm back at the menu screen and I've got to go through the process again. Okay back at right spot, holy hell I think I would have missed that low moan of his had it not been for setting up the subtitles. Party/Truck/Kissing [BOTH MOANING AND PANTING]. Oh God the breakup scene, I can't watch. It's too heartbreaking so I skip through and keep pushing the skip button because I don't want to see the wolf stuff...oohhh the meadow scene! I agree to watch until she says, "I love you, Edward." Then I'm skipping again, pushing the skip button furiously trying to get to Edward. Wait the Volturi doors are opening???? Shit I missed it!!! I rewind!! Okay, I see, I have to watch the porsche driving and Bella running. Uggghhhhhh either I fast forward or watch. I try to fast forward and go too far out of impatience. Go back to car scene. Then Bella runs, and I feel her desperation and fumble to turn volume up, because I know he talks too low here and I'm going to miss hearing him say Heaven....Why can't I find the damn volume button? Okay volumes up...NO SHIRT! WEIRD NIP Your jaw is everything, everything. They are back home. Edward you totally could have run down Jacob and been done with him! And climax, marry me!
Bask. Need more. Wanna do it again. What scene number do I skip back to for the parking lot scene? Oh crap, I don't know. Go all the way to Frame 1. Ughhh I gotta sit through the moon each time? Begin forward to the parking lot kiss. Shoot, I missed it. Gotta rewind.
New Moon Edward, I admit I don't know all of your spots yet and we are still out of sync, but I have figured out at least one button to push to get us both to moan and pant. I promise you, I'm going to keep working on it with you as often as I can until we get our rhythm down.
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